True History: Earl’s Fish-Yo
In the history of American pastimes, the Yo-Yo is perhaps the most popular of all the toys the world over. We do not actually know, as the rock-on-a-string that predates the Yo-Yo also claims patent rights.
One man, Earl Terhauffte, tried to find a replacement for the Yo-Yo, as he felt it lacked imagination, and that the roundness of the object would negatively affect the chastity of boys and girls in his neighborhood.
He was unsuccessful with the Plough-Yo, the Old-Man-No, and the Holy-Ghost-O, but found lasting success with the Fish-Yo, pictured below.
And how he did that all while his suspenders looked like they were painfully hiking his balls up, we will never know!
The prototype Washoe-yo was also abandoned for ethical reasons, as it was deemed cruel to oscillate great apes on a string. Fun fact: the short-lived game of chimpsticks was banned for similar reasons, though the primates’ lack of buoyancy was also a consideration.